Actors vs. Zombies: My thoughts on the Oscars

From independent.co.uk

    

    Ahhh the Academy Awards: Hollywood’s biggest night to see just how awkward they can make human interaction on live television. It’s kind of funny, because tabloids make the Hollywood community out to seem like stars are all best friends forever and that they hang out all the time. Really, they’re all just workmates, and when workmates get together outside of the office (or in this case, the studio) it sometimes gets awkward and uncomfortable, especially when you’re job is acting like a different person for a living. But because Hollywood has to maintain a pristine reputation (Oh please) as the society of happy, beautiful, talented, perfect human beings, that are all best friends, Seth Macfarlane gets to make a joke about his “old friend” George Clooney, who takes the burn while gritting his teeth. Welcome to the 2013 Oscars.

    Because I actually love the Oscars, I want to get my criticism and recognition of all the less favorable moments out of the way before I get to my ooey gooey “why I loved the Oscars so much” bit.

   First of all, having people like Robin Roberts, and the other people from Good Morning America whose names are unknown, interviewing celebs on the red carpet is a good move. They’re not big personalities and they don’t seem to make celebrities feel quite as uncomfortable as, say, a huge obnoxious personality like… oh… I don’t know… Kristin Chenoweth!!!! What in the hell were they thinking when they put her out on the red carpet? Yes, she is a fun personality on stage and a gifted performer, but other than Hugh Jackman and his Zsa Zsa Gabor reincarnate of a wife, I’d never seen so many celebrities cringe while being interviewed on the red carpet. And that silly “Hollywood Mystery game”, (insert gigantic eye-roll), was a ridiculously tacky thing to bring to the Oscars. With gaffes like that, pretty soon they’re going to start inviting people like Khloe Kardashian to host the show. *Scoff*.

   Early on in the show, the non-pretty people (in other words, non-actors) that went up on stage to accept awards learned their lesson to keep their acceptance speeches short and as impersonal as possible. In most cases I’m okay with those people treading on actor territory with how emotional they get with their speeches. However, that one guy who won for God knows what, talked incessantly about his kids, and still had four guys behind him holding awards that didn’t get to say a single word. And of course the Oscar Gods had to make this moment supremely uncomfortable by selecting the Jaws theme as playing off music. Thanks Oscar!

    My last two qualms with the Oscars honestly have little to do with the show in itself, but more with the rest of the world surrounding the show. Who in their right mind decided to do a new episode of Walking Dead on the same night as the Oscars, which happens ONCE A YEAR to celebrate American cinema? I mean could they not have rescheduled it? Seriously? Listen, I know that people like that show and it’s whatever because some people aren’t cool enough to like actually decent television (LOL!). But you could not imagine the struggle (hyperbole) that I had to go through in order to secure a place to watch the Academy Awards. And even though my insanely sweet friends, Jake and Sean, let me have their room until a little after 11 to watch the show, they still didn’t budge when Walking Dead came on. So I had to resort to following the tweets of Joel McHale and Steve Martin to get my Oscar scoop for the remainder of the night. 

Lastly, as they mentioned at the Oscars: why can’t Tina and Amy just host everything? Srsly, guys.

   Now I am more than happy to get to my favorite moments of the night, which in the grand scheme of things, made up for any catastrophes that occurred during the show.

   First of all, I liked Seth Macfarlane. Sure he doesn’t quite suit up to Steve, Alec, Bob, Billy, or Johnny, but he held his own up there. Also, Seth doesn’t have the recognition that past Oscar hosts do, so with what he has (and personally, I love Family Guy) he was able to bring his own insightful, culturally relevant and surprisingly dry humor to the stage. And the guy can carry a tune quite well if I do say so myself.

    While there were many things that I loved about the various moments of the Oscars I’m only going to mention maybe like… oh I don’t know… ten.

• ·      I don’t care if it’s a “just not your cup of tea” kind of music. You know Jennifer Hudson killed it singing the Dreamgirls classic, “You’re Gonna Love me”. Total goose bumps.
• ·      Anne Hathaway’s acceptance speech was so cute. She’s the epitome of how hard work pays off. I’m so happy that she’s happy. And that’s kind of creepy, because I don’t actually know her.
• ·      Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe: Damn.
• ·      Meryl Steep does wonders for feminism by scratching her ass on live television and not giving two fucks about it.
• ·      Catherine Zeta Jones has still got it, y’all.
• ·      The Bond tribute was great. At first I was pissed because Adele wasn’t singing in the actual Bond tribute, but then I was like oh never mind, this old lady is a bad bitch.
• ·      On the subject of James Bond and bad bitches, ladies and gentlemen: Adele is magic on the stage.
• ·      Argo wins! Yay! The only movie I saw was Moonrise Kingdom, which was just nominated for screenplay. I’m cultured.
• ·      Finally, Jennifer Lawrence, you light up my life. Thanks for making acting, tripping on the way to get an Oscar, and then getting an Oscar look so badass.

    So these are my thoughts. My dream is to hopefully get to the point where I actually have the whole shebang of an Oscar gathering with friends who actually appreciate the Oscars. And there are drinks and nice clothing and fancy food and above all pizazz!  But until then, join me this time next year when I will once again recount my old lady struggles to watch the Oscars while everyone else wants to watch a television show about zombies.

Much love,

EE

Day of Love Lovin'

Wuv, twu wuv.
Photo by Marc Eaton

I want to freely and openly admit that I love Valentine’s Day.

Yes, I have not had a Valentine on Valentine’s Day since my freshman year of high school. In such a case most people would imagine a girl to be completely opposed to the holiday.

FALSE.

Valentine’s Day is splendid because it is a day of love. LOVE I SAY! It is a day where there is an undying air of ethereal delight, if you allow there to be. Sometimes, on this holiday, I see these girls that just act so opposed to the idea JUST because they don’t have a special person in their life. So therefore, they allow the day to be fogged up with depression and, quite frankly, feeling sorry for themselves. Just because they don’t have a man in their lives. It’s pathetic.  I mean do you really have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in order to be happy or love someone?  

With those that become opposed to the day of valentines, there are also the ones that are so offended by the holiday that they create this anti-Valentine’s day. Basically where they sit around and do all things that seem quite depressing to me such as eating their weight in chocolates, watching violent movies to forget about the holiday, and giving the cold shoulder to those enjoying this day of love. Why would you want to create a day that sucks just because you’re single? You’re single every other day too! I mean yes the day may bring back memories of a past lover or whatever. Just don’t think about it that way.

Valentine’s day, in my opinion, is the day where I get to celebrate (even more) the love for the people that I have in my life: my best girlfriends, my favorite male friends, my Mom, my Dad, my grandparents and everyone that means the world to me! It’s just an extra special occasion where I get to wear a lot more red than usual and carry around little Valentine’s to deliver to my favorite people. I mean really guys; it’s the cheesiest holiday out there. Is it really worth getting so worked up about that you decide to be upset on that day?

Ladies, take a lesson from Leslie Knope: Make it a Galentine’s Day! My coolness-extraordinaire cousin, Stephanie, has been working on creative Galentines for all her gal pals, and if you’re cool, you’ll follow her crafty example.  I will be doing my own version of Valentines for my favorite darling’s: boys, girls, and parents alike.

My final note is a suggestion for all the males out there:

If you are fortunate to have a sweetheart for Valentine’s Day, make it wonderful! By that I mean be creative and make your valentine’s treat for your love as unique as they are. I know that sounds like a load of cheesy bullshit, but bear with me.  You don’t have to spend loads of money in order for it to be meaningful and extraordinary. Think about something that makes your relationship distinctive and “your own”. You don’t have to just pick up the box of mediocre (and overpriced) chocolates, half-dead roses, and a tacky stuffed animal. I’m sorry but that’s just… lame. Also, you don’t have to spend way too much money on a piece of jewelry that your honey might not ever wear (lets be honest). That is unless, of course, it’s an engagement ring. Do a good job with that one. The point is, if it’s as remarkable a relationship as it should be, your valentine will appreciate something that you’ve worked hard to put together, and not just analyze how much money you spend. And if they do, then that’s a deal breaker ladi…. Urm. Guys! Well, ladies too.

With that I just want to say, everyone have an absolutely fabulous Valentine’s Day and whatever your relationship status may be, make it a glorious occasion!

xoxo

 EE <3

My So-Called Television-Inspired Life

From this website

    So I know I talk about television a lot, but I can’t deny that I love television. I’m not afraid to admit that. There are people out there that say ridiculous things like “Oh we don’t watch television”, as if television is for the lesser, type Z human being.  For me, television has been so inspiring and symbolic throughout my life. It seems that I’ve always gone through phases of being inspired by a certain character and feeling like they were the epitome of the person that I was/ wanted to be. That being said, these characters have never been a Real Housewife, a Kardashian, or anyone from a show on ABC Family.   They’ve been girls that embody almost exactly what I’m going through in my life, or exemplify the woman I want to become. Or they just lived a fantasy that I can’t help but become green with envy about. Mostly because I watched these fictional and elaborate lifestyles as I was lying in bed, wearing plaid pajama pants, an old Nancy Sinatra sweatshirt, and eating a bowl of pretzels. So in that case they were simply an interesting juxtaposition to what my life is.

    Regardless, each has very different ways for being inspiring to me. Therefore, this is why I assume an eclectic state of mind.  

Lizzie McGuire – Holy moly, do you guys remember that show?? It seems like it was on a decade ago.  OH WAIT it was! But that all made more since when I just Googled (which, in fact, is NOT a verb according to Microsoft word) The Lizzie McGuire Show and saw A) what they were wearing and B) how much of a tween Hilary Duff looks like.  It is so strange how things change. But I remember how much I looked up to Lizzie McGuire. Most definitely not because of her perfections, but because she was always getting into some sort of trouble because of her clumsiness, awkward way around boys, and overall lack of “coolness”. Granted I did always wonder why, with her adorable looks, she never attracted guys, BUT a bitchy amazon like Kate did. However, I digress. As an awkward 11 or 12-year-old, I looked up to Lizzie, as she was a symbol for that class of girls who just wanted to wear colorful, fake hair pieces, uniquely, clash-y jewelry, and also wanted a boyfriend so bad they couldn’t stand it. It was the beginning of me realizing it was often hard to try to have it all.

Blair & Serena – If you don’t know who these people are, and you are a/ have been a teenage girl in the past five years, then I commend you. Honestly I never really admired any of the characters of Gossip Girl, not even lonely boy/ the Gossip Girl (although, sometimes Blair could be the perfect heroine to bring out my inner bitch). I more just admired the fantasy of a lifestyle they lived. Wearing the incredible clothing that they had, sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art every morning, going to Europe on their own whenever they were just “fed up” with everything around them, and of course living in the beautiful Upper East Side of New York City. As I said before, sometimes I would just sit by my lonesome in the middle of the night watching and longing  for this unrealistic montage of scandal, luxe living, and the most marvelous dresses I’ve ever seen. 

Phoebe Buffay – Although I’ve never been a die-hard Friends fan, I do remember watching episodes with my parents as a young girl and always feeling an instant connection to the character of Phoebe. She was always thought of as the odd, funny one of the group (with an emphasis on the “odd” description). Somehow, even as a first and second grader, I felt like the odd one of every group, and in a way, Phoebe taught me to own it. Despite how “black-sheep” I felt in many situations I experienced as a youngin’, I still wanted to act weird, play an elaborate game of “Dungeon Space Queen” instead of kick ball, sing loud and obnoxiously at all the wrong times, and even dressed like Phoebe Buffay at my “dress like your favorite television character”-themed 10^th birthday party, when I could have dressed like a more age appropriate character such as… Lizzie McGuire.

And last but certainly not least…

Leslie Knope & Liz Lemon – While both are on completely different television shows, and both are now the cliché “nerdy girl” heroes, I still can’t help but put them together as my two most admired TV characters. Honestly it all started with Women’s News/Weekend Update on SNL, but separately on their respective television shows, they embody the grounded, funny, hardworking, and above all imperfect person that I admire. Liz with her no-holds-bar craziness in the men’s club of television writing, her being able to be best friends with her male polar opposite, and never giving up on having it all, has inspired my writing, sense of humor, and my ability to not take myself too seriously. Leslie Knope while in a way being similar to Liz, is in her own way a caricature for what it means to work hard and always maintain the attitude of “it can be done”, without getting so caught up in herself to not give a shit about anyone else’s needs. Also, it makes me very happy that they’ve both ended up with television husbands who love, respect, and treat them with the upmost support for their ventures.

    When I read back this blog, I feel like what I’m really trying to say is… 

    I want to personify the ideal quirky, sarcastic, witty, feminist, and above all hard-working woman who can take a joke, hang out with the men without being too bro-ish, or on the other end of a that, a slut, while simultaneously finding the man of her dreams in a equality-loving, smart guy, who doesn’t have weird teeth AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME be the girl that carries a Prada bag because they’re just so damn pretty.

   And that is all.

EE

Cake Cake Cake Cake Cake Cake

Warning: This blog is NOT about cake. Sorry. 

Tradition: Child must take picture with a piece of paper showing their age. You're welcome, mother.      

   Birthdays are so interesting. Sometimes I long for the days when my dad put a Belle (from Beauty and the Beast) Barbie on my cake, played happy birthday to me on the guitar, all while I celebrated by wearing a tutu. To be fair, I did dress like a mutha f**kin’ princess today, but that’s beside the point. Last year for my 18^th birthday I went to a Waffle House at 2 in the morning when I wasn’t even inebriated. Then I went to see The Muppets with my mom. So that was pretty excellent.

     It’s always fun to be nostalgic on birthdays. I like to think about all my past birthdays: fun ones (bowling in second grade, after winning a basketball game), awkwardly fun ones (sixth grade sleepover with almost 15 girls/ my dad coming to school to sing to me in the lunch room while accompanied by his guitar), and totally classy and chic ones (going to a cute Italian restaurant with my best girlfriends, flirting with a cute waiter, and then going to see Black Swan). But the best is traditions. Sadly, some traditions go away when you go to college (heart shaped pancakes by Mom/ family dinner), but thanks to social media I can keep some of them alive! Thanks for the birthday wishes, friends and neighbors!

EE

I know you guys didn't watch but... My thoughts on the Golden Globes!

Photo from this website

    The other night I watched the infamous Golden Globes in what seemed like the first time in forever. First of all, I guess being a strict Oscar snob the past several years as spoiled me into thinking that every awards show venue is as triumphantly huge as the Kodak Theater, excessive number of balcony seats and all. To my surprise, the size of the ballroom, where the Globes are hosted, reminded me of a Sheraton Convention Center. And all these random movie stars would just pop out of nowhere and all I could think was, “Where the hell are you hiding these people, HFPA?”

    In an attempt to chronicle my take on the Globes, I hope not to emulate that of the Usweekly website’s editorial on the subject (and I hope to God that my writing is slightly better than theirs).  But the show was definitely interesting and there are several items that I just simply must share my thoughts on.

   First of all, let me just state a fact: Amy and Tina were a smashing success. Maybe I’m biased because they’re two of my favorite comediennes ever, but can you really not laugh at jokes about A) Taylor Swift! Muhaha B) Meryl Streep being amazing in anything she does, including having the flu, and C) noting the yearly assembly of the average sell-outs of television and the pretentious, pretty people of film.

    Other than Amy and Tina’s brilliant zingers (Usweekly used this word in their article… #SynonymProblems), I thought it was pretty funny to see that Selma Hayek and Paul Rudd didn’t actually know what they were doing at the Globes. Also, who can forget Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell’s bit before presenting best Best Actress in a musical or comedy. (Btw, I heard Les Miserbles was one of the best musical comedies of the year!) I digress to say that my best friend Alanah and I did the same entrance on stage at a Choir Show in high school, so I’m flattered to have been honored by greats such as Wiig and Ferrell in that way. But also I must say that if producers don’t catch the hint that those two should be hosting next year, then I don’t know what else society has to live for.

    What can be more notorious about awards shows than the acceptance speeches? I kept hearing the ones from winners  like Jessica Chastain, Annie Hathaway, and Jennifer Lawrence, and while all speeches were moving and sweet, I just wanted to scream at them, “Save it for the Oscars!!” It seems like the Golden Globes always get all the good speeches because a majority of the time, the Globes are only a preface to the Oscars. Now when Anne Hathaway wins best supporting actress at the Oscars she just going to be like this.

Anyway

For my last bit on the Globes, I’ve made a small Golden Globes Superlative List~

Most likely to win lots of awards despite being reviewed by more than a few as “sub-par”: 

Les Miserables

Most likely to sound like the old ladies from Monty Python’s Flying Circus during an acceptance speech:

Adele

Best Dress:

Tina Fey and Kristen Wiig

Best “What the Hell!” Dress:

Lucy Liu

Best “What the Hell??” Dress:

Helena Bonham Carter

Best Couple:

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Oddest Couple:

Jessica Alba and her furry bag.

Best Hair and Acceptance Speech Combination:

Anne Hathaway

Worst Hair:

Keith Urban

Most likely to make you feel very moved and at the same time, slightly weird:

Jodie Foster

Most likely to put a smile on my face:

Taylor Swift looking like it’s a surprising disappointment that she didn’t win best song.  LOL!

Most likely to randomly be at every awards show for no reason:

Heidi Klum

Most likely to appear out of no where at every awards show to present the last award:

Julia Roberts

Best surprise:

Girls winning everything.

Also, the only movie I’ve seen out of any of the ones nominated is Moonrise Kingdom.

HA!

 EE