Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Senior Will to My Hometown


As graduation begins to inch closer and closer to me and my still ever -shrinking senior class, I have realized that like most of the people in the CHS class of 2012, I forgot to do a senior will. However there still are some things I would like to leave to my classmates, teachers, and more importantly, the town of Christiansburg. So here we go; a senior will for my hometown. 

Photo by Rob Williamson
     To my best friends Lana, Migayla, Benton, Dylan Darling, Maggie Ross, Shmashly, I leave my ridiculous facial expressions, voices, and my trade mark wittiness (just go with it). To my "sister", Alley Baby, I leave my guidance and concern that you will always make the best decisions and not do anything I wouldn't do (right?). To my brother, Neal, I leave my loud, obnoxious and above all embarrassing "HEY NEAL!"'s as I passed by you in the hallway.  To the junior girls that intimidated me, you guys are really cool, so I leave you my uncool swag that everyone should have a little of. To the boys at CHS I leave you the idea that you should never be mean to girls or anyone. To the couples at CHS I leave my constant desire to spray you with a water gun or hit you with an umbrella while you made out in the hallways. To the teachers that got to know the true extent of my crazy, I'm sorry. To the teachers that didn't, I'm sorry. To Ms. Miller I leave my legacy as her acting protégée, hope you can find someone as insane as I am. To the majority of the administration at CHS... I'm sorry what is your name again? To my coach Shane Guynn, thanks for being the Jack Donaghy in my life and always dealing with my crazy; I leave the nearly impossible idea that you could ever coach someone like me ever again; also my "ridiculous" outfits (your words). To Christiansburg High School, I leave the exact same thing my my dad left you 25 years ago: my charisma, my constant singing and performing (better known as being a massive ham), my school spirit and spirit in general, and my affinity for dressing like David Bowie. Moving to the town of Christiansburg. To the pervs that honk at me and yell things like "I luh yo baaaahhhhhdayyyy" or "Damnnnnn gurrrrrllll" as I'm running down the limited sidewalks in Cburg, I leave my eternal thanks for making me run faster. To the jealous bee-yotches that yelled at me to "Put some damn clothes on", I leave the eternal middle finger and a "Suck my d**k!". To the many gas stations and fast food restaurants I had to stop at to use the bathroom while on runs, well you know what I left. Sorry bout it. To my neighbors I leave the constant, joyous sound of me singing my heart out while taking a shower with the windows open. I know you can hear me, I just don't care. To the friend's parents that did like me, I leave the memory of me getting up early at your house and often having a nice awkward conversation with you. To the employees of every coffee place in town, I leave the memory of a girl who spent 5 mins deciding which kind of mocha frappe latte froo froo blah blah blah drink to order. To the employees of Barnes&Noble I leave the memory of a girl who always left her Usweeklys and People magazines on the coffee table and Cook Books beside the cozy chair. To my parents, I leave my appetite (not trying to gain the freshman 15), my ridiculous obnoxious, hysterical behavior, and my bedroom... to keep clean! If I come back and its your new yoga studio, you guys have another thing comin'. To the entire town of Christiansburg, I leave legacy for nerdy white girls who have a knack for embarrassing themselves. I also leave this quote: 

"Some people say, 'Never let them see you cry'. I say, if you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone." -- Tina Fey

Also

"High School?! How did you do it?!" 
-Daniel Tosh

EE

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