Ahhh the Academy Awards: Hollywood’s biggest night to see just how awkward they can make human interaction on live television. It’s kind of funny, because tabloids make the Hollywood community out to seem like stars are all best friends forever and that they hang out all the time. Really, they’re all just workmates, and when workmates get together outside of the office (or in this case, the studio) it sometimes gets awkward and uncomfortable, especially when you’re job is acting like a different person for a living. But because Hollywood has to maintain a pristine reputation (Oh please) as the society of happy, beautiful, talented, perfect human beings, that are all best friends, Seth Macfarlane gets to make a joke about his “old friend” George Clooney, who takes the burn while gritting his teeth. Welcome to the 2013 Oscars.
Because I actually love the Oscars, I want to get my criticism and recognition of all the less favorable moments out of the way before I get to my ooey gooey “why I loved the Oscars so much” bit.
First of all, having people like Robin Roberts, and the other people from Good Morning America whose names are unknown, interviewing celebs on the red carpet is a good move. They’re not big personalities and they don’t seem to make celebrities feel quite as uncomfortable as, say, a huge obnoxious personality like… oh… I don’t know… Kristin Chenoweth!!!! What in the hell were they thinking when they put her out on the red carpet? Yes, she is a fun personality on stage and a gifted performer, but other than Hugh Jackman and his Zsa Zsa Gabor reincarnate of a wife, I’d never seen so many celebrities cringe while being interviewed on the red carpet. And that silly “Hollywood Mystery game”, (insert gigantic eye-roll), was a ridiculously tacky thing to bring to the Oscars. With gaffes like that, pretty soon they’re going to start inviting people like Khloe Kardashian to host the show. *Scoff*.
Early on in the show, the non-pretty people (in other words, non-actors) that went up on stage to accept awards learned their lesson to keep their acceptance speeches short and as impersonal as possible. In most cases I’m okay with those people treading on actor territory with how emotional they get with their speeches. However, that one guy who won for God knows what, talked incessantly about his kids, and still had four guys behind him holding awards that didn’t get to say a single word. And of course the Oscar Gods had to make this moment supremely uncomfortable by selecting the Jaws theme as playing off music. Thanks Oscar!
My last two qualms with the Oscars honestly have little to do with the show in itself, but more with the rest of the world surrounding the show. Who in their right mind decided to do a new episode of Walking Dead on the same night as the Oscars, which happens ONCE A YEAR to celebrate American cinema? I mean could they not have rescheduled it? Seriously? Listen, I know that people like that show and it’s whatever because some people aren’t cool enough to like actually decent television (LOL!). But you could not imagine the struggle (hyperbole) that I had to go through in order to secure a place to watch the Academy Awards. And even though my insanely sweet friends, Jake and Sean, let me have their room until a little after 11 to watch the show, they still didn’t budge when Walking Dead came on. So I had to resort to following the tweets of Joel McHale and Steve Martin to get my Oscar scoop for the remainder of the night.
Lastly, as they mentioned at the Oscars: why can’t Tina and Amy just host everything? Srsly, guys.
Now I am more than happy to get to my favorite moments of the night, which in the grand scheme of things, made up for any catastrophes that occurred during the show.
First of all, I liked Seth Macfarlane. Sure he doesn’t quite suit up to Steve, Alec, Bob, Billy, or Johnny, but he held his own up there. Also, Seth doesn’t have the recognition that past Oscar hosts do, so with what he has (and personally, I love Family Guy) he was able to bring his own insightful, culturally relevant and surprisingly dry humor to the stage. And the guy can carry a tune quite well if I do say so myself.
While there were many things that I loved about the various moments of the Oscars I’m only going to mention maybe like… oh I don’t know… ten.
- · I don’t care if it’s a “just not your cup of tea” kind of music. You know Jennifer Hudson killed it singing the Dreamgirls classic, “You’re Gonna Love me”. Total goose bumps.
- · Anne Hathaway’s acceptance speech was so cute. She’s the epitome of how hard work pays off. I’m so happy that she’s happy. And that’s kind of creepy, because I don’t actually know her.
- · Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe: Damn.
- · Meryl Steep does wonders for feminism by scratching her ass on live television and not giving two fucks about it.
- · Catherine Zeta Jones has still got it, y’all.
- · The Bond tribute was great. At first I was pissed because Adele wasn’t singing in the actual Bond tribute, but then I was like oh never mind, this old lady is a bad bitch.
- · On the subject of James Bond and bad bitches, ladies and gentlemen: Adele is magic on the stage.
- · Argo wins! Yay! The only movie I saw was Moonrise Kingdom, which was just nominated for screenplay. I’m cultured.
- · Finally, Jennifer Lawrence, you light up my life. Thanks for making acting, tripping on the way to get an Oscar, and then getting an Oscar look so badass.
So these are my thoughts. My dream is to hopefully get to the point where I actually have the whole shebang of an Oscar gathering with friends who actually appreciate the Oscars. And there are drinks and nice clothing and fancy food and above all pizazz! But until then, join me this time next year when I will once again recount my old lady struggles to watch the Oscars while everyone else wants to watch a television show about zombies.